Three more classes…that’s all I need this Fall to wrap up the Gen Ed portion of my schooling at RVC and get my A.A. Then I’ll be off to NIU to go hardcore at my Philosophy degree (with a minor in Classical Studies). I am so ready for it. Gen Ed classes have their place, and have transformed me into such a better person over the last two and a half years. But I’m ready for the real challenege of conquering the philosophical topics I’ve been yearning to tackle for a long time now.
Of course, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from the basic, introductory philosophy classes I’ve taken so far, and from the Gen Ed classes overall, it’s that the smarter I get the more I realize how little I actually know.
I know that doesn’t make sense. I’ll try to explain.
Before I started back to school in the Fall of 2011, I thought I knew everything. I was an arrogant s.o.b., always right about everything, and had very little use for anyone who disagreed with me about anything. I was hardheaded, set in my ways, and defiant of change. I knew best what I needed and what everyone around me needed as well. Anyone with an opinion that didn’t match my own was an idiot and was quickly disregarded. It didn’t matter what the topic was: religion, economics, politics, even the right way to grill a steak.
I was an ass.
An ass living in poverty, mind you. I needed a career change. But the economic crisis in the U.S. was well underway and there were few jobs to be had. True, I was the smartest person in the world and I knew everything; the problem with that is companies typically like to see college degrees that prove such a thing to be true before they hire you. I didn’t have a degree.
Thus, back to school I went. Being poor, the local community college was my only option. I only had a small handful of credits that carried over from my first attempt at college 15 years ago, so Priority #1 was – and has been – getting the Gen Ed classes out of the way. I started with a few Humanities and History classes (the stuff I like). I got my Math and Science requirements out of the way (the stuff I hate). Then I took Intro to Philiosophy, World Religions, and Contemporary Moral Issues – all philosophy classes that together convinced me to pursue that field of study.
But what has happened in all of these classes as a whole in the last couple of years has turned my life upside down. Higher education has turned me into an open-minded, critical thinker.
It started with breaking down my pride and arrogance. Returning to school at 31 years old automatically made me the “old guy” in every class. This was very humbling. I was terrified the first day I stepped into the classroom and everyone else was 18 or 19 years old, eyeballing me like, “Is that the professor?” Then I found an empty seat, sat down, and got out my notebook and pens, trembling with fear. You know, first day of class jitters. Except I was the weirdo. Just like I was in high school. I didn’t fit the typical demographic of “college kid” and when we were assigned group work on that first day of class, I was quickly left the odd man out. That was very humbling, as well. It broke my pride, and it made me realize I’m not the center of the universe. I figured out that first night that this is the academic world, not John’s world. I instantly became aware that even if I am as smart as I think I am, I’m going to have to prove it here. And not just once, to a single professor, but over and over again, in every class, to a multitude of different professors.
Once my pride was broken, things began to change. As I met other students and got to know them, I began to realize that there are actually people outside my little life circle that aren’t idiots. Some of them are actually smarter than me, and better at me than the things I’m good at. This was a hard fact to accept. But climbing down from my pedestal was liberating. I began to put a little more effort into tolerating people.
At the same time, the actual class material I was absorbing was broadening my mind and making me aware of a world of things I never had a clue about before. I was being taught how to not simply take things for granted as they are presented to me, but to explore and research and analyze on my own. If I didn’t agree with something I was being taught, I was encouraged to speak up and declare my opposition and let my voice be heard. Of course, I had to back it up, as well… I was also learning that an opinion had no validity on its own, but had to be supported by valid arguments.
This was mind-blowing news to me. Up until now, I had always been right, about everything, no support necessary. “Something is so because I say it is so. Disagree with me and you will face the consequences.” I grew up attending private, religious schools (and a church) that didn’t allow much room for discussion and debate. All my life I was expected to fall in line behind everyone else without a word and simply believe and accept what was being presented to me. And I did. Not just religious things, but any topic, really. Thinking for myself was never encouraged growing up. If I didn’t accept and believe what I was told to accept and believe, then I was wrong.
(Hmm, sound familiar? Yep – that’s exactly the kind of adult I turned out to be and the way I ended up treated people.)
College has taught me to think for myself and develop my own opinions. It has taught me to back up those opinions with valid arguments and solid research if I want to be taken seriously, both in the world of academia and outside of it. It has taught me that not everyone is like me, that people come from different backgrounds and upbringings and religions and educations. It taught me to be not simply tolerant of them, but accepting of them as co-inhabitors of this planet who have every bit as much of a right as I do to be “right” about life.
Does that mean, using religion as an example, that I no longer have any of my own convictions or beliefs that I once swore by? Of course it doesn’t – but it does have two implications that didn’t exist in my life before.
First, it just means that I am now more fully aware of other religions and what their practitioners believe and how they differ from me. Practically speaking, it means I don’t have to be afraid of Muslims anymore when I see them at the airport. It means I don’t automatically make assumptions or judgments when I see a Hindu family shopping for groceries. It means I am much more easily offended by people who make jokes about Jews or by people who mockingly talk in an Indian accent or by people who use slurs like “Fatty” or “Spic” or “Faggot” or who describe something they don’t like as being “gay.”
The second implication, sticking with the religious theme, is that I no longer blindly accept as truth the particular beliefs that I was raised on. I still believe most of them, but only because I have gone back and investigated them on my own and wrestled with God and with myself about what I really believe and why. Only then do I allow myself to accept them as truth. Many religious believes I once took for granted I have challenged and have yet to resolve. But the important thing is that I am wrestling with them and forcing myself to understand them and validate them before accepting them.
So, when I say “the smarter I get, the more I realize how little I actually know,” it means that as I continue to broaden my mind and become more objective in my view of the world, the more apparent it becomes how subjective and intolerant and thick-headed I have always been.
School, for me, is no longer simply a means to a different career. It has become so much more than that. It has been, and continues to be, a life-changing experience that has not only enriched my mind with knowledge but has made me a tolerant, open-minded person capable of objectivity and critical thinking.
Thus far, being back in school has proved to me two things: I am not always right, and I am not a sheep. I will be forever grateful for that, and I am eager to begin the next leg of the journey at NIU in the Spring.
open mouth, say things. 